


Remembering

by CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)



Series: Crash Into Me [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:55:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22259059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil
Summary: Sam calls Crash in when Dean gets hexed, but there’s not much a young white witch against centuries-old dark witches.~~~~~~~~~As Sam tried to remind him who I am, I walked away toward my bag. “I’m gonna go astral.” I couldn’t look at Dean’s confused face again, so I kept my eyes on my hands. “Take him back to wherever he last remembers being. Maybe you guys can shake something loose.”Sam walked up to me before he left with Dean, promised everything was going to be okay. He’s a better liar than Dean gives him credit for.I cried for a while before I started to project. I knew what the curse was going to do. He’d stop being Dean, lose absolutely everything, and then he would lose the deep-ingrained parts that come naturally. Dean would die and he wouldn’t even know who he was when he went.When I made it into the astral plane, I sought out Dean’s rune first. I wanted to check on him, make sure he wasn’t too far gone. They were standing in a bar with a pretty brunette and Dean was flirting. She said something but I couldn’t hear it, It came through like an adult from Peanuts, and clutched at her chest, looking a bit distraught and Dean smiled and reached out to her.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Crash Into Me [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1341889
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Remembering

**Story Warnings** : a bit of fluff, a lot of sads, canon-appropriate violence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whenever my phone goes off with Sam’s number, I’m filled with panic. It means that something is wrong with Dean. That’s the only time Sam ever calls me, is when there’s something preventing Dean from doing it himself.

I bit my lip and swallowed to try to rid myself of the knot in my throat before I answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey, Cassie, uh…we need your help.”

“Okay? Wha-what’s going on?” I asked, my voice shaking a bit.

“Um, I’m pretty sure that Dean’s been hexed. We were on a witch hunt and he’s been forgetting a lot of things, like _basic_ things, and-”

I groaned. “I don’t know how much help I’ll be, Sam. I’m…I’m not really-”

“Look, we personally know two witches. One is an evil skank, the other is you. I’d rather see what you can do to help _first_ before I call in Rowena.”

I sighed and licked my lips. “Where are you?“

"Eureka Springs, Arkansas.”

“Okay. I’ll grab some supplies and head your way, but I would get Rowena on the back burner because I really…counterhexes and stuff…I’m not really…”

“Thank you! Anything you could do.”

“Yeah. I’ll call when I get close.” I hung up the phone and ran for my altar, pulling out bags of herbs and ingredients.

Explaining to my parents that I had to go out of town suddenly and with very little explanation was a chore but eventually they took “I have a friend with an emergency in Arkansas” as an answer and agreed to watch Aria while I went. It was probably the look of panic in my eyes as I said ‘emergency’.

When I showed up at the motel, I was a mess. After thirteen hours of driving, worried beyond compare the entire time, I was ready to drop. When Sam let me into the room, he smiled. “Hey.”

“Hey, Sam,” I returned, looking around. There were Post-its on almost everything, labeling them for the memory-deficient older Winchester.

“Hey, Sammy, who’s this?” Dean’s words sent a pang of sadness through me. I’d considered that he might not remember me as I drove from Florida to Arkansas but I was hoping that wouldn’t be the case.

Sam looked a bit distressed at the question, more than me even. “This is Cassie, Dean. She’s, like, your best friend almost.”

Dean scoffed. “That’s not Cassie. Cassie is a hot little black chick with a bangin’ body.”

I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath to stop the tears that wanted to pop up as Dean reminded me of what he said as a demon. I had to remind myself that he didn’t have a problem with my body, that he loved all the parts of me that I hate. “That’s why you usually call me Crash.”

“Dean, come on, man,” Sam almost begged. “You’re practically in love with her.”

“ _Her_?” Dean laughed. “You know I got no problem with a little chunk, but she’s got nothin’ on the other Cassie.”

I blinked away the tears and walked over to the table, setting down my bag. “Sam, boil some water…and go ahead and call Rowena. I’m not confident this is going to work.”

Dean sauntered over as I pulled out my mortar and pestle and the herbs I brought. “What’s all this?”

“It’s not for you to touch while you’ve got diminished capacity. Now, go sit down.”

“What if I don’t wanna?”

“You’re gonna get an angry fatass witch if you don’t,” I snapped.

“Okay. Bossy.” Dean walked away toward the mini-fridge as Sam put his phone on speaker.

“ _I’m a wee bit occupied at the moment_ ,” a Scottish woman said. Rowena MacLeod of the clan MacLeod…as close to an Immortal as I’ll ever meet, anyway.

“Yeah, well, we need your help, Rowena,” Sam said.

“ _Oh, really?_ ” she asked, sounding proud and happy.

“Come on, man!” Dean complained. “Rowena? I mean…” I ground my teeth as I ground my herbs in the mortar. He remembered her but not me? This evil bitch that he doesn’t even like?

“Yes. Really,” Sam confirmed.

“Hey.” Sam and I both turned to look at Dean, who smiled. “Tiny vodkas. Score.”

Sam and I both shook our heads, turning our attention back to what we were doing. “ _Am I saved in yer contacts now? Tell me, have I got my own ringtone?_ ” Rowena asked.

“This is serious. Look, I think Dean’s been vexed, okay? He-he’s been forgetting things,” Sam explained.

“ _Maybe he’s just drunk. Oi!_ ”

“He’s not drunk.”

“Yet,” I added, quietly.

“We need ice,” Dean said, picking up the bucket. Sam shook his head, focusing on his phone call and I focused on my work.

“No, we don’t.”

“ _We could do a memory spell but did his hair fall out? His body, too?_ ”

“What?” Sam asked, but the question jogged a memory for me.

“ _From the neck down, is he smooth like a Ken doll?_ ”

“No,” I answer. “He’s still got hair on his wrists so that rules out a mnemonic curse.”

“ _Samuel! Did you call another witch before you called me?!_ ”

“I’m just a friend with a bit of witchy knowledge, that’s all. Just a friend.”

“ _Who spends her time staring at Dean Winchester’s wrists,_ ” Rowena said and I blushed, looking back to my herbs. “ _She’s right, though, probably not a mnemonic curse. The Obliviate spell wipes the memory clean over time, but it’s intricate magic. Uh…_ ”

“How do I break it?”

“ _Theoretically? Kill the witch._ ”

“Got it. All right, so…” Sam hung up the phone and turned around, looking for Dean “Dean?”

“He went to get ice,” I whispered, smashing at the herbs.

“You just let him leave?” Sam snapped before running out the open door.

I scooped the herbs into a cup and poured hot water over them. I knew it wasn’t going to do anything real against an Obliviate spell, which…yeah, it sounds like something out of Harry Potter, but even the dark wizards on Knockturn Alley couldn’t make an Obliviate do what a _real_ one does.

Sam walked in with Dean in tow just as the ‘tea’ was finished steeping. I poured it into a cup, using a napkin to filter the rosemary and ginseng and hawthorn out. “Drink this,” I directed, handing the cup to Dean, who sniffed it and wrinkled his nose at the smell.

“I’m not drinkin’ that,” he whined, shoving the cup back toward me.

“I swear…no wonder Aria likes you so much, you’re a fucking child, too.” I sighed and presented it to him again. “Drink it, drink it all, and I’ll get you some waffles. Doesn’t that sound awesome?”

Dean looked over at Sam, then back to the tea, then to me. He sighed and rolled his eyes, taking the cup and downing it. “Thymámai,” I whispered, reaching out to touch his forehead. Power passed from my fingertips to his skin and he gasped, pulling away slightly. His eyes flashed a yellow-orange which he blinked away quick. He looked confused for a minute, then overwhelmed.

“Crash?” he whispered and it was my turn to gasp.

“Did it work?” Sam asked, hope in his voice.

I shook my head. “It’s a temporary moment of lucidity. He’s gonna lose it again soon.”

“What are you doin’ here, Cassie?” Dean asked, reaching out to wrap me in a hug.

“I think I’m reenacting a Nicholas Sparks movie, but I don’t watch that shit so I’m going off of gifs and references in other media,” I muttered into his chest.

“ _Notebook_ or _Safe Haven_? I know it’s not _Message in a Bottle_ or _A Walk to Remember_ ,” Dean said and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Why do you know so many Nicholas Sparks movies?” I asked, pulling back to look at him.

“Why don’t _you_? Aren’t chick flicks supposed to be a chick thing?”

“Romance doesn’t work like that, Dean.” I smiled up at him. “You’re gonna forget again soon. So, tell me…what do you remember from yesterday?”

“I don’t know. I-I don’t…I just remember you,” he whispered, green eyes shining.

It occurred to me that I must have pushed the spell in the wrong direction. “That wasn’t…that wasn’t what that spell was for. I’m sorry, I must’ve-”

“It’s okay, Crash. I’d rather remember you, anyway.” He smiled softly and licked his lips and I shook my head, sadly.

“But it doesn’t help anything if you can’t remember how you got hexed, Dean. We’ll be back to square one in a couple minutes.”

“Not quite. Not quite square one because you’re here.” His eyes flicked to Sam, then back to me. “Between you and my brother, I know you can figure it out…whatever it is. Smartest people I know.”

Tears welled up in my eyes and Dean reached out to wipe them away as they fell. “We’ll fix it,” I whispered.

“I know you will, baby,” he whispered back and then he leaned down to kiss me. It was soft, sweet, almost perfect but for the end when his memory faltered. I could feel the moment he forgot who he was kissing, when his body went stiff and his eyes shot open.

As Sam tried to remind him who I am, I walked away toward my bag. “I’m gonna go astral. Try to find some pagan markings around town, maybe.” I couldn’t look at Dean’s confused face again, so I kept my eyes on my hands. “Take him back to wherever he last remembers being. Maybe you guys can shake something loose.”

Sam walked up to me before he left with Dean, promised everything was going to be okay. He’s a better liar than Dean gives him credit for…but I’m good at seeing truth.

I cried for a while before I started to project. Hoping that we would save Dean was one thing, but I knew what the curse was going to do. He’d stop being Dean, lose absolutely everything, and then he would lose the deep-ingrained parts that come naturally. He would forget how to talk, how to walk, how to breathe. Dean would die and he wouldn’t even know who he was when he went.

When I made it into the astral plane, I sought out Dean’s rune first. I wanted to check on him, make sure he wasn’t too far gone. They were standing in a bar with a pretty brunette chick and Dean was flirting. She said something, but I couldn’t hear it because it came through like an adult from _Peanuts_ , and clutched at her chest, looking a bit distraught and Dean smiled and reached out to her.

I left after that, couldn’t deal with seeing it. I found a glyph in blood on a tree stump and immediately got up, drawing it out on paper before calling Sam. “Yeah, we-we just found it, actually…and the witch,” Sam said.

“That’s great!” I exclaimed.

“No, not really. He’s dead, which means Rowena’s theoretical idea on how to break the curse is out.”

“Shit!”

“Yeah. I sent a picture of the glyph to Rowena, but until she gets back to me…we’re gonna head back to the motel.”

“Okay,” I whispered, hanging up. I cried again. I could feel Dean being lost. I could feel the end of the best relationship I’d ever had. I was already mourning him.

“I wish I could remember, man,” Dean said as they walked into the room. “I can’t even remember the last time I got laid and now I can’t _remember_ the last time I got laid, ya know?”

The look on my face must’ve given me away because Sam sighed and shook his head. “Dean, shut up, dude.”

“It’s fine,” I whispered.

“Who’s this?” Dean asked, looking over at me and, gods, that never stopped hurting.

“It’s-” Sam started, but I interrupted.

“Crash, but it doesn’t matter. You’re gonna forget again, anyway.”

Dean looked a bit taken aback by my attitude as I swiped through glyphs and runes and magical markings on my phone. He walked over to Sam and started whispering to him, but I was focused on what I was doing.

“Yes! Dean, she’s in love with you! You’re in love with her!”

“Sam, stop,” I said quietly. “He isn’t.”

Sam’s eyes jumped to mine. “Cassie,” he said, sadly. “Don’t-don’t say that.”

“He forgot me _first_ , Sam. That means something…and it’s not anything good.” I stood, clipping my phone to my pocket and grabbing my purse. “I’m not getting anything on my mobile browser. I’m gonna find a library, see if I can get anywhere there.”

“Don’t leave.”

“I’ll be back. Promise,” I said, patting Sam’s shoulder before leaving. I just couldn’t keep it up. Pretending like everything was going to be okay…it was killing me.

I sat in my car and I prayed. I prayed to Athena. I prayed to Aphrodite. I prayed to Mnemosyne, the Titan goddess of memory. And then I prayed to Jesus and to God. Tears rolling down my cheeks, I prayed that Sam and I would save Dean somehow.

I got back to the motel just in time to see a cab pull in and a short redheaded woman get out with a large leather bag. “Ye havenae been crying over poor Dean Winchester, have you, dear?” she asked, not even looking my way.

“Rowena, I take it?” I got out of my car and walked over to her. She was slightly taller than me, but I’m sure it was the boots.

“The non-witch ‘friend’?”

I smiled, slightly. “Little white lie. I _am_ a witch, but…nothing compared to you, Miss MacLeod. Queen Mother of Hell, right? A witch of several centuries. I don’t think Sam was expecting you in person.”

“Well, I do like to keep the Winchesters on their toes. Ye havenae been able to help?”

I shook my head. “No. I wish…Like I said…I’m several hundred years younger than you. I don’t have your power, wisdom or skill.” I stepped closer and bit my lip. “Tell me you can help him. Please.”

Her eyes widened, ever so slightly. “Oh, no. Did you _fall_ for a hunter, lass? Bad idea, that.”

I chuckled and nodded. “Yeah. Falling usually is for me…the worst idea.”

“Well, at least ye don’t have any delusions,” she said, turning and sashaying toward the door.

“You didn’t answer me. Can you help him?”

“Why else would I _be_ here?” she answered, knocking on the door.

The fact that Dean didn’t recognize Rowena made me feel a little better, then a lot worse because he was losing more. Sam put on _Scooby Doo_ and Dean started to watch happily. It was a lot like Aria watching _Spongebob_.

“There’s only one family of witches versed in this kind of magic. I thought them all dead for years, but when I saw those glyphs…” Rowena started and Sam brought up a picture on his laptop of the dead witch. I looked away and Rowena seemed to think that was cute or something until she looked at the picture, herself, and bristled.

“Is this one of ‘em?” Sam asked.

“Gideon Loughlin,” she said, disgust in her tone.

“Did you know him?”

“A bit,” she answered.

“All right, tell me about this family.”

Rowena launched into a story about the Loughlins coming over in the early 1900s and taking over a small town in Louisiana. She said they had a book of dark magic called the Black Grimoire, that witches would come find them to learn from the book, but hunters came in and took them down.

“With Gideon dead, if you want to break the curse on your brother, we need to find that book.”

“Wait a second, so _you_ can’t break it?” Sam asked, surprised.

“Oh, of course I _could_ , but witchcraft this complex would take time, more than Dean’s got. He’s already begun to forget himself, everyone he’s ever known, ever loved.” She looked from Dean to me, then Sam. “Even you. Soon he’ll forget how to speak, how to swallow, and then…Dean Winchester’s going to die.”

“Sucks for that guy,” Dean said and we all looked over at him for a second before turning to look at each other.

Sam stood as I fought back tears. “D-dean, let’s, uh…come talk to me over here.” He walked Dean into the bathroom as I sat on the edge of the bed closest to the bathroom.

“So, he forgot you, forgot himself. He still remembers Sam, though. Curious.”

“Shut up, Rowena.”

“Watch the tone, dear. You aren’t a hunter. I’m not scared of you.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not scared of you, either, bitch.”

“Are you looking to be hexed, as well?”

I chuckled, thinking of my pentacles and sigils. “Really…you don’t think I would walk this world, knowing witches like you exist, without proper protections, do you?”

“Oh? And what, exactly, do you have fer ‘proper protections’?”

I smirked. “Go ahead and hex me, you’ll see.”

She smiled and it almost seemed genuine. “Now. Don’t you feel better with a bit a’ anger flowin’ through yer veins?”

“A little, yeah, actually.”

“I’m four hundred years old, dear, and if there is one bit of knowledge I can pass to you, it’s this…Men are _never_ worth it. They’ll be the death of you.”

I looked toward the bathroom. “Some men are worth it.”

She scoffed indignantly and sat down on the bed next to me. “Not that one!” She reached out and took my hand. “He’s nicer to you than any man you’ve ever met, right? And he’s very pretty to look at, I know, _but_ …he’s still a bloody man. He will always hurt you…he will bloody devastate you because that’s what men do. So, even if we find that book and I’m able to save Dean Winchester’s life…walk away, lass.”

I ground my teeth and glared at her. “‘Walk away’? Four hundred years and that’s the advice you’ve got for me? _If_ you can save the man of my dreams, you want me to walk away?”

“What if I can save the man of yer dreams an’ he finds someone…oh, thinner? Taller? Prettier? A hunter, maybe…or _maybe_ , someone normal. What will you do then?”

I’m not sure which of those scenarios caused the tears rolling down my face again, but I took my hand from hers and stood. “ _When_ he finds someone thinner and taller and prettier, I will be happy for him.”

She looked like she was going to say something but then Sam opened the bathroom door and stepped out so Rowena stood. “How is he?”

“Like you care,” Sam responded.

“Oh.”

Sam dropped to the bed just like I had. “Ya know, I’ve seen my brother die, but watching him become…not him…This might actually be worse.”

“We need to find that grimoire,” Rowena said.

Sam looked up at her before shaking his head and smiling incredulously. “Of course. Of course. That’s your angle, isn’t it?”

“Oh?” She tried to play stupid.

“Oh, come on, Rowena. A powerful spell book shows up and all of a sudden, you’re here to help? Altruism isn’t exactly your style.”

“True. Also, it never hurts to have a Winchester owe you one.”

Sam stood up and grabbed his coat. “Gideon Loughlin’s address was in his accountant’s file. If the book is there, I’ll find it.”

“ _We’ll_ find it,” I said.

“Of course, you’ll need me there to help-” Rowena started, but Sam walked past and held his hand up to her.

“No, no, you’re staying here with Dean.”

“I most certainly am not,” Rowena argued.

“Well, he can’t come with us and I’m not leaving him alone,” Sam said.

“Why can’t his girlfriend stay with him?”

“Because I trust her and I _obviously_ don’t trust _you_.”

“Well, obviously.” She sighed and tried again. “The Black Grimoire’s written in ancient Druid. How do you propose to find the proper spell without me there to-”

“A few of the Loughlins lived, right?” I suggested.

“That was the rumor; so you expect one of them to-to what? Translate their ancient super secret family spell book for you?” She glared at Sam. “You just killed their brother. They’d sooner use your skin as an outfit.”

Sam nodded and pulled out the revolver with the witch-killer bullets. “They can try.” I followed him out, giving one last look to the closed bathroom door, but not looking at the redhead. Sam looked over at me as he pulled out of the parking lot. “I’m glad you came back, Cassie.”

“I don’t know how much help I’ll be with the Loughlins. I’m not a real witch. I should have stayed at the motel with Dean.”

“You gotta stop doubting yourself. You _are_ a real witch. You’re just a different kind of witch than Rowena and these Loughlins.”

“I haven’t been any help so far.”

“You did that spell yesterday,” Sam reminded and I scoffed. “I know it didn’t work how you wanted it to, but-”

“It was worthless. It did nothing. _I_ did nothing.”

Sam sighed. “You know how to use a gun, right?” he asked and I nodded. “And can you move silently through a house?” I nodded again. “Then you’re better off helping me.”

‘Move silently through a house’ is easy when you’re small. I’m not really sure how a big dude like Sam always manages. Sam calls Rowena once we’re in the house. He puts his phone on speaker. “ _You’re in?_ ”

“Shh. Yeah, we’re in. All right. As soon as we get the translation, you cast the spell,” Sam whispered, before tucking the phone into his jacket. I followed him through the manor, large pistol raised. We headed up the stairs and Sam cautiously opened a door that led into a parlor. A blond woman was sitting at a desk, pinning a butterfly to a board. The witch Dean killed was laid out on a table beside her. “These guns are full of witch-killing bullets. So why do you go to your grimoire and tell me how to break the memory spell.”

The blond turned to look at us, no surprise or fear on her face. “I told him you’d come. Boyd wanted to go after you but I said ‘Why bother?’ You’re hunters. You’ll hunt us down, right at our doorstep. Hot and…fresh like pizza.”

Fear went through me, but Sam stayed stalwart. “I’m not asking you again.”

I didn’t see Boyd enter the room, had no time to prepare before he shouted ‘Abi!’ and Sam and I went flying through the air…and then Cat started to chant and my brain felt like it was going to explode. It was pure power, concentrated within my skull. I think Sam shouted, but I passed out very quickly.

“She’s not a hunter.” Boyd’s voice was the first thing I heard when I came back.

“No, she’s a witch,” Sam responded.

“A witch who helps hunters?”

“No. No, I forced her to come here. I threatened her with-”

Hands on each side of my face forced my head up. “Hmmm. Take a few pounds off of her and she might be worth our time. Gideon likes a bit of padding, she’d be a good welcome home gift.” I tried to shake my head, but everything hurt and Boyd had a hard grip on me. “Oh, he won’t look like that for long,” he said, letting go and gesturing at the corpse on the table. He picked up a gnarly-looking knife and moved to stab Sam, but a gunshot downstairs startled us all.

Sam used the sound as a distraction and rushed Boyd, knocking the knife out of his hand and punching him. Boyd ran out and Sam followed, leaving me tied to the chair. A long moment later, another gunshot rang out and I sighed, praying that the shot hit the right target.

“Hey, there’s a girl tied to a chair in here!” Dean’s voice called from behind me. I turned my head and watched as he kneeled down to unknot the rope binding my hands. “You okay, kid?” he asked as I stood, rubbing my wrists.

“Yeah,” I whispered. I looked to Rowena, who had placed herself at the altar holding the book. “Fix him. _Please_.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Cassie, with this book-” She tapped the parchment and smiled. “-I can do anything.” I nodded, wondering when she learned my name.

I paced the foyer with Sam, my head and neck killing me. It occurred to me, as I kicked pieces of broken mirror across the hardwood floor, that I could have died. I could have ceased to exist in that moment and Aria would have been left with no one but Mike. I could have been stolen, indoctrinated into dark magic, used as some sort of sex toy by a zombie witch…and Aria would have been stuck with my ex.

“He’ll be okay,” Sam whispered.

“I know,” I responded automatically.

Purple light in the room upstairs caught our attention and we looked up as Rowena and Dean started downstairs. Rowena was hugging that book like it was something precious. “Hey. Is that it? Is-is it done?” Sam asked.

“Who’s this hippie?” Dean asked, jutting his thumb at Sam, whose face filled in with horror and he gave a ‘what the hell?’ gesture to the witch. Rowena and Dean both started to laugh before too long, though. “Look at his face. Oh! Kinda like the time when I ate all your Halloween candy. You remember that? Classic.”

Sam lets out a relieved sigh and shakes his head. “Not funny.”

“We thought it was,” Dean said, gesturing at Rowena.

“A wee bit,” Rowena said, traipsing down the rest of the stairs. “Take me back to yer motel, boys. I need my bag.”

Sam nodded and pulled open the door, Rowena following as Dean slowly descended. “Crash.” I shook my head and sniffled, looking away from him as he came to stand in front of me. “Hey. I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry I forgot you.”

“You forgot everybody. It’s not a big deal,” I whispered.

“Except it is. It’s a huge deal.”

I swallowed and looked up into his eyes. I wanted to tell him that I love him and it hurt that he forgot me so quickly. I wanted to tell him my heart hurt about the pretty waitress and the comment about the better Cassie, but I didn’t. I just said, “I have to get home to Aria” and turned and walked out.

Rowena must have stolen my car to get to the Loughlins’ house because it was sitting in the drive, parked poorly. “Keys,” I demanded and Rowena handed them to Sam who walked them over to me. “Next time, Sam…call Rowena first.”

“Why?”

“Because I almost died. I wasn’t worth a damn and I almost died and it wasn’t…She’s powerful and knowledgeable and she helped so much more than I did, and she’s set up her life to not have anybody to leave behind. Call Rowena first,” I repeated, clicking the car unlocked and getting in the driver’s seat.

“Wait!” Dean called out and I stopped short of turning the engine over. “Should you be driving?”

I rubbed at the back of my neck and contemplated. I _was_ thrown across a room, hadn’t really slept in a couple days and I was emotionally and physically exhausted, but… I couldn’t stick around. “I’m fine to drive. If I start feeling concussion-y, I’ll hit a rest stop, take a nap.”

“You’re not supposed to-” Dean started.

“That’s a myth,” Sam and I said at the same time. “But you’ve had enough concussions that you know that, Dean. You’re just trying to get me to stay,” I finished.

Dean walked up to the car and put his hand on the door to keep me from closing it. “Is that such a bad thing, baby?”

“Stop calling me that,” I whispered, shaking my head and avoiding looking at him. “I’ve been away from Aria for days. I need to go home.”

“Stop calling you- Cassie, wh-what? What’s the problem?”

“It’s not important. Just…go back to your motel. I’m gonna go home. I’ll text you when I get there,” I promised, grabbing the door handle and pulling on it.

“Crash.”

“Dean, allow me to explain,” Rowena called across the yard. She waved him over to her and as soon as he let go of the door, I pulled it closed and turned the car on. He looked completely distraught as I reversed and sped out of the driveway.

Another thirteen hour drive and I was home. I plugged in my phone and was immediately assaulted by texts as soon as it came on.

**Crash.**

**Pick up the phone.**

**You know leaving after what happened is a bad idea**

**At least tell me you got home safe**

**Look, I’m sorry I forgot you so fast. I forgot you before anybody else and I’m sorry for that but you gotta know it wasn’t on purpose.**

**And you can’t listen to Rowena! She’s evil! And she doesn’t like men! Crowley’s dad fucked her over so now she thinks all men are scum!**

**Please tell me you got home safe**

Everything hurt as I typed my response.

**_Rowena isn’t the reason I drove away, Aria is. Aria is the most important thing in my life and I almost left her alone. I almost died in Arkansas, being of absolutely no use to anybody. I fucked up everything I tried to help on. If I died, Mike would get Aria. Do you understand how horrid that idea is? And if I died for no reason? I wouldn’t forgive myself, even in the afterlife._ **

**_Maybe if I become a better witch, if I can be worth a damn to you on a hunt, it’d be a reason to stick around but until then…I think we’re all better off if I stay in Walton._ **

My phone rang a minute after I sent that text and I debated answering, but I didn’t. He left a voicemail and my stomach was in knots as I dialed in.

“ _I guess it was too much to hope that you would answer the phone now that you’re home…and I’m glad you got home safe, Cassie, but…you’re right. My world’s too dangerous. You’ve got the kid to think about. Sam shouldn’t have called you in, he had no right. But not because you didn’t help…you **did**. Sam told me you handled yourself against Boyd Loughlin and that’s not nothing. It’s not nothin’ that you made me remember you for two minutes…when everything was bein’ pulled out of my head, you shoved yourself back in there…right where you belong. You’re more capable than you think you are…a little training and you’d be…an asset, a real one, but you don’t want to put Aria in that situation and I’m sick thinkin’ ‘bout it so…you can’t be a part of my world, Crash…but I hope that doesn’t mean I can’t be a part of yours. I don’t wanna lose you. Call me back when you’ve had time to think it all through, all right? Love ya, bye._”

I stared at my carpet for a minute, sure I’d heard him wrong at the end. I hit the button to play the message again, wishing there was a way that I could just play the part I wanted to hear. “ _All right? Love ya, bye._ ” came through every time I pressed play. I saved the message to make sure it didn’t get deleted, saved it to listen again later…and then I set my phone down and slipped into my daughter’s room. Thinking would have to come at another time.


End file.
